i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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