Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
