yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
