i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
