he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm always down for nudity.
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