Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize