he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
