Will you blow on my dice?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
