fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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