Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
