She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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