my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
