all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
