Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
