Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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