he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
