My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
