I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
