im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize