Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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