i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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