i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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