I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
