So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
