i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
