i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
