So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
