Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
