I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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