Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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