Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
