It's like God shit irony all over that family
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
