I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
