i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
