I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
