My sheets look like a crime scene.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
