Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
