Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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