yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
