I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
