anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize