I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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