no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
