i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
