Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
