I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
