Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
