i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize