they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
