its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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