When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
