It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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