Betty ford says i'm here all night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You took a bar mat shot.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have aggressive nipples.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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