i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize