shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
