In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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