If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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