i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
