too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
