Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
