Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
