i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
