Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize