im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
