Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
