You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
