im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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