My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He shit in the fireplace
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
