Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize