dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
