So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no you cant smoke seaweed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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