Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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