one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
