um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize