Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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